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Bill Hicks' Top 5 Rides

Ask any 35 year old male comedian, and he'll tell you that Bill Hicks was the greatest truth teller to ever grace the stage. Ask that woman in the audience who he famously screamed at while pretending to suck off a demonic goat... well she probably won't remember it - she was pretty drunk I think.

Hicks was probably most well known though, for his famous speech at the end of his show "Revelations", where he compared the world to an "amusement park ride".


" The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, 'Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?' "

But what ride was Hicks actually referring to? It's hard to know, cos he's dead, but knowing as much as I do about Hicks (from all the male comedians on the circuit who have told me about him) I have compiled this list of the most likely rides he was thinking of.

5) Space Mountain

Hicks was always going on about infinite space & the cosmos and that. Dunno what he thought of mountains, he never really had a bit about it, but he sure liked space - so I reckon he'd have given this ride a go.

4) Aerosmith's Rock 'n' Rollercoaster

Bill Hicks loved rock music. He was always talking about how shitty & souless pop music was, and how Hendrix had a big dick. Well, everyone knows that Aerosmith are way more hardcore than Hendrix ever was. I don't know this for a fact, but I'm gonna say that Aerosmith were Bill Hick's favourite band.

3) Professor Burp's Bubble Works

Hicks was big in the UK. He famously came over to Britain where he was a cult sensation, way bigger than he was in the states. Are you gonna look me in the eyes and tell me that he didn't visit Chessington World of Adventures while he was here? Professor Burp's Bubble Works is psychedelic trip from start to finish, and I bet if they check their guest photo archives, they'll find a picture of Hicks with his glasses and cigarette totally spinning out on Bubble Works.

2) E.T The Ride

See point 5. He liked space.

1) Shrek's Adventure

Look, I haven't got a good reason why his favourite ride is Shrek's Adventure - but you have to have a number 1 spot & the truth is, I only wrote this to annoy Bill Hicks fuckboys. Thanks for reading!

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